n every few pages of the Quran there is a deliciously descriptive analogy or metaphor. One such comparison is shared regarding the topic of backbiting at 49:12, when the holy book questions the reader, "Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would loathe it!".
Thus it is vividly established: Backbiting is a disgusting vice, comparable to ingesting the carcass of a relative. Imam Moataz of the Islamic Center of Ann Arbor has said as much in a few of his khutbas at the mosque.
The Al-Huda Institute helps us to understand what constitutes as backbiting, and, additionally, gives advice on how to respond to others who do. These are snippets from Qudsia Sayed essay on the subject. Please heed this advice. It may be just what you need to hear.
The Top 5 Misconceptions of Backbiting and How To Respond To Them
Misconception #5: I’m not backbiting, I’m just saying.
When people respond with, “I’m just saying,” they’re telling themselves that what they’re mentioning is not something so bad as backbiting, it’s just “saying” things as they are. In other words, they’re trivializing the act, and telling themselves that backbiting isn’t really all that bad.
But backbiting is no walk in the park. It’s one of the most disgusting acts one could ever commit.
Response: Describe to them how disgusting an act backbiting really is.
Misconception #4: I’m not backbiting, everyone already knows about this person, anyway.
If a person is mentioning things about someone already known, not only are they still backbiting, they’re following the footsteps of hypocrites. The hypocrites of Medinah spread rumors about ‘Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, and as a result were cursed by Allah to the depths of Hellfire.
If everyone already knows about it, why spread it...?
Response: Remind them about the punishment of backbiting and how it makes spreading rumors not worth the risk.
Misconception #3: I’m not backbiting, I’m warning others about a person’s mistakes.
Human beings have a natural desire to warn others about harm. That’s why when they see something wrong with someone else, they’ll personally identify those characteristics as a problem, make a decision to be careful about it for themselves, and naturally want to notify others about it as well.
Human beings have a natural desire to warn others about harm. That’s why when they see something wrong with someone else, they’ll personally identify those characteristics as a problem, make a decision to be careful about it for themselves, and naturally want to notify others about it as well.
But that’s where the problem comes in. We want to naturally talk about someone else’s faults, but if we do, it’s backbiting. How can we get past this natural desire that’s so troublesome?
Simple. First we need to realize which of these natural tendencies is okay and which isn’t. It’s completely okay to be adverse to the faults of others. However, telling others about those mistakes, while naturally easy, is the major sin of the two.
The Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said backbiting is “talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like.” That means saying anything about the person that they wouldn’t want you to counts as backbiting. If you know the person you’re talking about wouldn’t like what you’re saying about them, don’t say it.
If we feel the desire to go out and warn someone about it, do so on the person with the faults in the first place in a kind and sincere manner. Our problem as Muslims is that we talk a lot about people behind their backs but never confront them in person.
Response: Explain to them what backbiting is and the reward of abstaining from it.
“Talking about others negative traits in anyway shape or form is backbiting and none of your business, and if you stay away from it you’re working towards guaranteed admission to Paradise.”
Misconception #2: I’m not backbiting, I’ll tell them later or I don’t care, I can say it to their face.
Some people justify backbiting by thinking if they inform the person later they were talking about them behind their back, it makes the act okay. But telling someone you backbit about them after the fact is a part of the process of repenting and making up for the sin. It has to be done sincerely, with regret and shame for the act, driven by a balanced fear of Allah’s punishment and a hope in His Mercy.
Trying to justify backbiting by telling someone you backbit about them is like trying to justify believing Prophet Jesus, peace be upon him, as the son of Allah by saying you will just repent later. Not only is it an imbalance between fearing Allah and having hope He will forgive you, it doesn’t make the act okay to commit in the first place.
Response: Backbiting about someone with the intention to tell them later doesn’t make it okay. It’s still backbiting. And claiming you, “don’t care” and can say it to their face shows that you’re a jerk and don’t care about the Hellfire.
Misconception #1: I’m not backbiting, it’s true.
This, by far, is the most common misconception and response we find Muslims making when we warn them about backbiting. They think that backbiting is only when you mention bad things about people that aren’t true. Is that really the case?
Going back to the definition of backbiting, the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said backbiting is to mention things about your brother (or sister) which they don’t like. After the Companions heard this definition, one of them asked, “what do you think about if what I say about that person is true?”
“If (that) is actually found (in that person) what you claimed, you, in fact, backbit him. And if that’s not in that person, it’s slander,” the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam answered.
This shows that we’ve got it all wrong. Just because what we’re saying is true, doesn’t mean it’s not backbiting. In fact, it proves that we are indeed backbiting, because backbiting is true information. If it wasn’t true, we’d be doing something worse than backbiting, slander.
Response: Inform them about truth being backbiting and falsehood being slander.
Conclusion:
Backbiting is no misdemeanor. It’s a federal offense. In fact, it’s more than that. It’s a universal act of ethical treason, the likes of which transcend this world and has severe consequences in the next.
